Excuses Excuses

Excuses Excuses

Are you okay? Yes, I am fine

I Excuse myself quietly to
Find somewhere to Hide

All I do is Lie
Making Excuses
To Excuse myself

For people who do not
Understand Mental Health

Another Excuse
Excuses get Exhausted

Nothing left to say
When all I needed

Was just One More Day

Another Lie
Because Everyday

Is Groundhog Day

No amount of suffering
Takes away the pain

Another Pill
Another Lie

Another Excuse
To try and feel High

I look deep 
Into that mirror 
That is staring at me
I cannot look anymore

The reflection is too 

Ugly

There is no Cure
When Cursed with 
Chronic Depression 

I have no Desire
Just add it to the the Label

A Pathological Liar

I apologise if the layout is poor, this from my mobile. 

I was writing earlier and I realised just how much I have to excuse myself for my actions, white lies, not something I wish to disclose.

You can’t disguise, no you can’t disguise
Tell me lies
Tell me sweet little lies (Christine McVie, 1987)

The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald

The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald

ddf1dfe5fcf46b4841c623768f50e07fI think the one thing I felt most when finishing The Great Gatsby was utter jealousy of how well this was written. Fitzgerald use of lexicon is so clean and precise, his sentences float one to the next so naturally. At times making you want to stop and read over and over again, so it never leaves you.

“He had one of those rare smiles with a quality of eternal reassurance in it, that you may come across four or five times in life. It faced, or seemed to face, the whole external world for an instant and then concentrated on you with an irresistible prejudice in your favor.”

Fitzgerald captivates you in the charm of 1920’s America with elegant language and lavish lifestyles. The cultivated characters are so innocent upon the surface totally oozing with style and sophistication. People this perfect always have something to hide. A little book with so much to offer.

5 Golden Stars

A Catcher in the Rye – J.D Salinger

A Catcher in the Rye – J.D Salinger

In my opinion, this is a beautiful piece of fiction that could be as close you could ever experience inside the mind of an autistic adolescent male.

Holden Caulfield is a seventeen- year-old dropout who has just been kicked out of his fourth school. Navigating his way through the challenges of growing up, Holden dissects the ‘phony’ aspects of society, and the ‘phonies’ themselves: the headmaster whose affability depends on the wealth of the parents, his roommate who scores with girls using sickly-sweet affection.

Written with the clarity of a boy leaving childhood behind, The Catcher in the Rye explores the world with disarming frankness and a warm, affecting charisma which has made this novel a universally loved classic of twentieth-century literature.

Continue reading “A Catcher in the Rye – J.D Salinger”

Trapped inside myself – Poetry (Free Verse) No Rules

Trapped inside myself – Poetry (Free Verse) No Rules

Just a few words are for you so easy to say
but they cripple me and destroy my day
All the wrong in the world you can accuse me
by saying it’s you in the wrong, that you abuse me

I try finding a path untarnished and unobstructed
but I’m faced with a labyrinth, every end is dead
every road is winding, me up, messing with my head
Trapped, there is nowhere to go, I give in, self-destructed

I collapse, every vein injected with anxiety
Swelling
no longer able to face society
Suffocating
behind my mask, the only place to hide
Exploding
My heart and my soul have committed suicide Continue reading “Trapped inside myself – Poetry (Free Verse) No Rules”

The Struggles of Love

The Struggles of Love

Trying desperately hard to achieve, but causing so much pain
Imprisoned by self-obligations, physically and mentally drained
Taunted and teased to the point of despair, no intention to be unfair,
Selfish or awkward, they are my obsessions so clearly I do not care
Just knowing it will not be good enough, whatever you give
Questions the meaning of life when you no longer want to live
You break and you cry, whilst I am just an emotionless wreck

I can see I am hurting you but I cannot feel why only shame
Envying your beautiful tears and wishing I could cry the same
To reassure you, but my bottle is broken, I have not cried for years
Anaesthetised from the world, insecure listening to your fears
Pouring your heart out, bleeding, pleading to become numb like me

If you would only look closer, my heart is solely yours do you not see
My love for you is so much truer than from anyone else, it could be Continue reading “The Struggles of Love”

The Ninth Rain by Jen Williams

img_2343Last year Jen Williams completed her debut fantasy trilogy (The Copper Cat), marking the last of the adventures from Wydrin, Seb and Frith. A wonderful trilogy, that I highly recommend. On my knees tweeting I was lucky enough to get an early copy of Jen’s new novel ‘The Ninth Rain’.

Jen has a style of writing that should appeal to many readers of fantasy and similar genres. Classical fantasy traditions of the past are not forgotten but embraced as a foundation to build upon. Take this familiar comforting troupe adventure and distort it with a smorgasbord of geek cult and modern trends and you will have an idea about what to expect. Continue reading “The Ninth Rain by Jen Williams”

Getting there … Exterminating, Essay Writing and Reading.

Getting there … Exterminating, Essay Writing and Reading.

So after exterminating all the spammers & hackers from the world of wordpress.org I am finally managing to close my website and export posts/pics etc after several hundred google searches. The simple things in life always seem to be so complicated. But I feel much happier with my dot blog address.

This morning, I submitted my OU essay on Irish independence & heritage. Very interesting, particularly enjoyed poetry by WB Yeats. I was very confused when first reading about him until I noticed I had put Keats (thats another kettle of fish altogether). I do not envy the Irish though, seems a mighty shame that it suffers so much conflict, when it has such a fascinating history and beautiful locations. I would definitely love to visit some of heritage sites. The Hills of Tara look magical, would be a great place to get some fantasy writing inspiration.

Talking of fantasy writing, I am hoping to get a few books in before next essay deadline which is about the Bronzes of Benin, who I have never heard of. I am just over half- way through ‘The Ninth Rain’ by the fabulous Jen Williams, I am thoroughly enjoying it and hope to review when done. I am also listening to ‘Doctor Who – Engines of War’ by George Mann (The Time Wars gap). When my poor eyes can no longer take writing I am reading ‘The Walking Dead Omnibus’ which is really good. I know the show is dragging its heels but … a discussion i’ll save for my review. With my partner Zoe we just started reading ‘The Bear and the Nightingale’ by Katherine Arden, based on Russian Fairy Tales, the first chapter was very good. With the kids I am reading the BFG, after we went to see the movie, I forgot what an amazing book it was. Hopefully some mini reviews to come soon.